Nose Gel Dispenser

This is great! I haven't washed myself in boogers since I was little. Meeemoriessss...like the corners of my nose...sticky snotty covered memmooriess...of the way we bathed.

Red Exerciser

THIS IS STILL GETTING PRODUCED AND PEOPLE ARE STILL BUYING IT!

I will kick you in the face (and get a delightful butt and ab workout) if you buy this! It's a chair. A CHAIR!! I bet the same people buy this who continue to purchase those electrocution belts. Hell. I'm posting a picture of that too.



Damn people! There are so many versions of this belt! Ab Belt, Ab Tec, Sport Elec Ab, Shape-N-Tone, Abgymic, Quad Ab belt, Slendertone (which was recalled for setting people's stomachs on fire!), Waste Trimmer, Dezac Rio, Contour Abs, Absonic, OH DEAR LORD IT KEEPS GOING! There are probably a hundred or so incarnations of this stupid piece of garbage.

If your abs are so upsetting that you need to electrocute yourself to deal with the shame...dont' buy these products. Shrink your head instead of your gut.

Unko-san aka Mr. Feces

"The latest anime cartoon rage to go viral amongst high school girls in western Japan. Unko-san is a brown poo fairy who has the special power of being able to bestow good luck upon others less fortunate."

I keep going back to, because it remains relevant, WTF Japan. WTF.

Kush Support

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Boob pillow. HAHAHAHAHAHAH ah HAHAHAHAHAHA ha ha ahhhh

Okay, okay. I'm calm. How ever did women sleep in the past with their boobs touching?

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay,okay. I'm good.

There's a website! AHAHAHAHAHA

Chelada

Who doesn't enjoy a refreshing glass of clam juice, tomatoes, and beer?

Hork.

Fire Footbag

For the extreme hackysack enthusiast in us all.

Pitch meeting -
"I like to kick things."
"I like to set things on fire."
"Let's set something on fire AND kick it!"
"Collaboration! It's sweeping the nation! It's a sweet sensation! Who needs education! Collaboration! Doodlie doo."

Double Sunglasses

C'mon. Even Dwayne Wayne wouldn't wear these.

Virtual Finger Game

So let me get this straight...I put my real finger into this box, and then a virtual finger appears? I'll take 10.

Wood Cross Table

If I were visiting your house and you served me dinner at this table, I'd wager that the china and silverware were not the only parts of grandma nearby.

emWave Stress Reliever

For only $200, you too can own this magical button that releases snake oil into your soul.

I read the entire product description and have no idea what this thing does. People are so gullible it makes me angry. Sooo angry. I need my emWave coherence to go from red to green so I can connect to my energy center.....

Metal Detector Sandals

This is awesome! I have always wanted sandals to alert me after I step on a bottle cap or a nail. These would be perfect if they could tweak them to notify you when you step on broken glass.

Hot Dog Toaster

You know what does the same thing in the same amount of time? A frying pan.

This is as useful as an electric quesadilla maker. Or a panini machine. Or *gasp* a foreman grill.

Bathroom Scale

Why does anyone need to know how much their bathroom weighs? Wocka wocka. But seriously. If you really think about it, does this do a better job than your mirror? Or your winter wardrobe that's two sizes bigger than your summer wardrobe? Do you need to know your weight down to the ounces? No. Just pay attention to your parts that bounce. es. I couldn't resist that rhyme.